Barry Hertzog 101

Negotiating Traffic on Barry Hertzog Rd (JHB) - for advanced users only Minimum Hardware requirements: Golf 5 GTI, RunX RSi or similar or better kW output. Minimum Software requirements: Skilled male driver. NOTE: Risk in non-compliance of above requirements will result in large amounts of profanity and blasphemy being hurled at the driver when attempting to apply the 3 pointers below. Introduction: These are a set of 3 advanced methods that is outside the general scope of the conventional Drivers and Learner lessons provided to you at inception of your driving career. They are there to help you mitigate stress and frustration on Barry Hertzog Rd (JHB). They can however be applied to similar double-lane boulevards should the driver be familiar with the road in question. To simplify our discussion, the 3 methods have been named with accompanying diagram’s (not to be found in K53 learner guides). They are: - Achilles' Heel - Right Lane Slide - The Hook Achilles' Heel Achilles' Heel is a very effective method used at traffic lights. This opportunity presents itself where there is a large amount of drivers in the right hand lane, wanting to turn right. This presents a pleasant little space in front of them to get pass lagging drivers ahead in your left-hand lane. A word of caution here is that the driver directly in front of you might also have an Achilles' Heel maneuver in mind. It is thus imperative NOT to attempt this with a City Golf or Tazz, since the maneuver will then be rendered pointless. Right Lane Slide The Right Lane Slide is a risky but profitable maneuver that can result in two possible outcomes. With most drivers being very wary of the right lane because of vehicles that might want to turn right (blocking up traffic in doing so), this sometimes presents a large amount of unused road space. With great risk comes great reward. Be careful not to get caught behind a vehicle attempting to turn right though, because this can instantaneously nullify all your hard work and place right you back where you have started. The Hook The Hook is a very common maneuver used by most Barry Hertzog drivers. Here you attempt to further your position on the road by eliminating lag drivers one-by-one. A word of caution here is similar to the Right Lane Slide (See Right Lane Slide above). There is 2nd cautionary aspect though, watch out and be alert, as many drivers attempt this and it may result in the proverbial JHB-Bumper-bash. This is a very effective maneuver when encountering JHB Taxi drivers. The attitude we need to get across here is something that rings to the phrase: "Phuck the Phucking Phuckers!!" being shouted out loud followed by a *burst* of RunX (or similar) power. ** Ostendo disclaims itself from any reader taking this serious (Ostendo also disclaims itself from any female and/or inexperienced drivers attempting these guidelines)